Today is my birthday. A day the human condition prompts us to reflect a bit more on our yesterdays..our tomorrows, and to make sense of how we ceaselessly move faster between those two clumps of time. Yesterday, I paused to consider the day prior to my arrival. I thought of my mother, yet breathing for us, both. I thought of her anticipation, fear, excitement, and how my heart was beating beneath hers, one last day. I, so small and helpless, was being nurtured in a way that would see me safely to 4am the following day. I considered the arms that held me, the hands that fed me, the eyes that scanned for any threat to my safety. And, as I grew, how that circle expanded to other trusted caretakers. I felt deep ancestral love. I felt supported by so many that are no longer here. I thought of the comforts I enjoy, the little luxuries, and I felt humbled by their sacrifices to get me here. And, how I want to live in a way that honors their offerings to see the next generation take their place. I thought of the truth in, “the days are long, but the years are short.” It’s my opinion that we’re collectively lost in incessant doing. Enthusiasm is rarely traveling solo, but attached to some goal, event or idea. But enthusiasm for waking up? (disclaimer: I’m a total sucker for sunrises, this isn’t a hard one for me…I have other things that challenge my zeal, but mornings, I love.) After the sun is high and the tasks are underway, I often use a simple statement that was given to me when I suffered severe anxiety. It has served me well, over the years. I am ok this second. That’s it. We are rarely not ok, “right now.” We imagine we might not be ok in a year, unless -blank- happens, or doesn’t. We feel anything but ok when we look back on our worst regrets, our most painful trauma, our losses. Lack that has many names. Today, I don’t think too much about what time it’s not. It’s not 10 years ago, it’s not next week. It’s not winter (my least favorite). It’s not even time for dinner. It is now…and the more of that I experience, the less I lose time, itself. Has it always been that way? No…of course not. Maybe that’s another part of the human condition…we have to pay our dues to yesterday and tomorrow before we finally settle into Now. Have a nice… minute. Peace, Warriors.
Tangled Lights 